Rocks Are Jerks

Polished River Stones. Permanent Attitude Problems.

Rocks Are Jerks

Rocks Are Jerks

$12.99

🍁 Ships from Canada

Rocks Are Jerks are real polished river stones professionally printed with sarcastic, unreasonably hostile, and deeply judgmental messages.

Each stone is naturally unique in shape, colour, texture, and weight, then machine polished and finished with an incredibly durable UV print that is slightly tactile to the touch.

Some are motivational.
Most are not.

Perfect as desk décor, conversation starters, gifts for difficult people, or tiny geological reminders that the universe has always been a little mean.

• Real polished river stones
• Durable tactile UV print
• Every specimen is unique
• Approx. 40–70mm in size
• Approx. 400–800g depending on specimen
• Designed and produced in-house by Geeked Out

Crated “Excavation Edition” specimens and Laser Engraved Aquarium Stones coming soon.

These Rocks Travel Better in Packs

These emotionally unavailable little minerals may not be especially fond of you, but they do surprisingly well in groups.

Ordering a 5-pack gives them a chance to work through their geological issues together, while saving you a bit on both product cost and shipping.

Think of it as a tiny support group for spiteful sediment.

View the 5-Pack Bundle

Choose your specimen

Want this rock to judge someone more specifically? Enter your own short saying, up to 60 characters, and we will print it on a suitable specimen at no extra charge.

We reserve the right to refuse hateful, discriminatory, copyrighted, or otherwise legally radioactive requests. Custom sayings are limited to 60 characters. Short sayings work best because rocks are small and emotionally unavailable.

Polished River Stones. Permanent Attitude Problems.

Real polished river stones printed with durable, tactile messages from the ancient mineral world. Every specimen is unique in shape, colour, weight, and level of emotional damage.

Real Stone UV Relief Printed Every Rock Unique Tiny Emotional Damage
Excavation Crate Edition — Coming Soon
Future boxed editions will arrive in miniature dig-site crates with protective filler and specimen cards. Check back when the archaeologists return from the dig.